The last post?

As you know I've been home for a week now, but the thing with me is that I can't spend a lot of time in one place when not occupied with anything. You may say just get ur ass kicked by someone and find yourself activities, but it's not the point. Anyway I'm going to Turkey in a week for the theatre workshop. I feel like I need to rest a bit and get my mojo back. Since I came I've started kvetching. Im yearning for something I cannot find in Poland anymore. Maybe its love? Probably being here with my second half would give another insight on this country and another view onto it, that would make me enjoy this beautiful city again. I added a question mark to 'the last post' because I will definitely go abroad soon. Well Nelly Furtado used to sing "Im like a bird. I always fly away"......Who knows I might even come to Iceland again, but this time I will be a little bit more patient than usually :). Regardless. Thank you all for reading my blog I've been runing for the past year. It was not always positive, but IT WAS AND IT LASTED , what means THAT IVE NEVER GIVEN UP although most likely sometimes there was only one step between the chasm and me to jump into it. Last but not least I'm Monika, I do and think afterwards. I get discouraged easily but I'm undaunted. I cry, break down but then like amoeba I regenerate myself. And i do love and remember.One of my favorite quotes comes from a movie called "Sex and Philosophy" and it reads :

You know butterflies only
live for one day.
They are born, fall in love and
reproduce on the same day.
They don’t think of anything.
They only fly and kiss their flowers.Butterflies have more useful
lifetime than we do.In all these forty years I didn’t
even live a butterfly’s life.even live a butterfly’s life.What about you?

back home in and Indian restaurant in Sopot.

Back home

I came home almost 3 days ago... Whilst being on the plane from Copenhagen to Gdansk I poured my heart out, because I knew I were loosing something. Indeed I lost my independence, work, friends and everything that factored my comfort zone. Im out of my comfort zone now and everything around annoys me therefore. Its a syndrome of being the only child : stubbornness. I feel as If I had been woken up from a dream by someone throwing liters of cold water on me. Its hard to reconcile with the thing u have to start everything from scratch, not long ago I was craving for changes but there are no changes. The same bed, the same people, the same language. Displeasure. No adrenaline. I didnt get into the University either. I sort of should get used ot this. This is life and its fucking difficult just for the record. I was just wondering who I want to be in life and the only thing I ponder Im capable of doing is writing . The only thing I truly love. I might not speak at all but to write- God dammit its a must.

reminiscence

Today I woke up quite late and went for a stroll around the pond afterwards. I remember checking the place, I have been living for a year now on the map, with my father, before coming to Iceland. We were marvelling at the surroundings, how beautiful and close to the city center it was located. Watching the ducks and people feeding them with crumbles, made me recall all of the good moments I had here. Im going to miss this country, where everything goes quite smoothly and people live in the present. I will miss that safeness, roaming carelessly at night without fearing of being raped, robbed or murdered. I will miss the coziness of Reykjavik..I will miss my dear friends, because I forged many friendships apparently with people coming from every corner of the world. I will have to start everything from scratch in Poland, because in contrary what people say, a lot of things have altered in my hometown. Many of my comrades have left Poland. Although all of the sentiments I have for Iceland, I also know it´s the right moment to go and explore the world while I´m still (quite) young. By this time next week I will be setting off to the aiport to catch my flight to Copenhagen and then finally Gdansk, the place where Ive started my existence.

Am I only dreaming?

Sometimes I think life is a dream, that resembles a nightmare at times. What if it all is an ilussion, very real one though? I'm not going to delve into details now, but what I'm basically trying to say that I keep on firmly believing my life in Iceland was sort of a dream that I'm going to wake up from in 9 days.... Everything will disolve into a thin air... Landscapes, people, buildings, stores I used to shop in.......They will all become just memories, which sooner or later are doomed to vanish...*some teardrops are falling down my cheeks*. There is only one thing I haven't done that I had been dreaming of...Meeting my favorite actor of all times Ingvar Eggert Sigurdsson . I guess its a good reason to come back here with a visit one day :)....