I still fear

You r going back to your room after a wonderful day , full of compliments from the people around have flooded you with, and you;re seeing this horrible creature you dont even remember the name of and you r getting totally petrified. All of those paralyizng and disquieting feelings come straight across you with double strenght. You want to survive, you obviously know you have to either run as far as your feet might get you, or kill the bug. I didnt want to kill the bug, I was too afraid of a single thought being bit by it. I didnt kill the bug, my flatmate did it although she suffers from the same phobia as me.At that certain moment i realised how much I fear to die. Killing? for me killing is even worse than dying. I can;t understand guys who want to be soldiers to defend their countries. Why they are even called themselves heroes?What the hell are you defending?Inhumanity? How can you kill someone and be proud of it. This is one of the things that occurs in life I will never obtain to get a grasp of by passing through my existence. Life is too complicated and when it gets better , and you r feeling kind of safe because ur surrounded only by good people and then you enter your room and you get a glimpse of that insect, and you think what if i died? I don;t want to die. Sometimes we put ourselves so down we dont even want to live,  but then when we are faced with death, we actually understand there are so many beautiful things in this world like love, cultural differences, family and compassion and the most important one - hope. I never one mine to burn out. And they say Iceland is insects-free...What the hell was it in my room then?

the first day of summer

19th of April is the first day of summer in Iceland. Apparently Reykjavik is changing into a sunny city, what definitely enhances my mood :)

Eg tala(ekki)islensku en eg skill meira nuna

So I decided to give my Icelandic another shot - stands for- taking some private lessons. My teacher's name is Villi and he is a very sophisticated person, a polyglot more to add. Speaking and teaching English, Danish and Icelandic (all over the world)- a wanderer, ex pilot. He said to us that everyone is able to learn languages and it's actually  key to understand the society of a country we live in because in the other way round choosing a short cut of not even trying is to go for an option of being isolated. Icelanders are nice - he recounts . They will help you with what is needed but they will never let you into their community unless you show  attempt to learn their language. Indeed. I don't think I could stay here longer than until September, but I think it's a very efficient exericese I could provide to my foggy brain. I also reckon I started accepting my life in Iceland the way it is since there is  no point of changing anything if its only 4 months left. I decided to stand pat. I've been mentioning it several times I was involved in Buddhism not so long ago and I'm more than pleased to inform you that Wojtek Tracewski(yes he is Polish) is coming to Reykjavik on friday to give a lecture  about the possibilites of mind.

Hafnafjörður

Sigur Rós | Sæglópur stuck in my head

a sudden attack of loneliness

Living abroad for the first time in your life can be a hardship..... Especially when you get [home]sick and everything seems to be miserable and hopeless . Plus people around you appaear as cold, coarse and callous creatures. You are fed up with reality that surrounds u, u r desperately jonesing for  changes. Ive been sick of late. Annoying flu. Still recuperating. For the past few months I've been deliberating about my future and possibilities of staying here permanently, but unfortunately I can't tell lies to myself anymore. Me and Iceland we didnt get along. ALAS we didnt click , this is the ugly truth. Anyway I've learnt a lot and in 4 months and a half I will have my first experience of living far away from my country luckily under my belt - finally. I don't want to stay....There is nothing that would even make me stay . Absolutely nothing that ties me down. What have I chalked up to experience actually? That you can't confide in everyone that you meet on your way. People are people , life is life and you will fall down hundreds of times before to realise how naive you are. Remember not everyone is your friend and there is no chance of being liked by all  the population. You need to verify certain things. Don't base your opinions only of what you hear. Look at people's deeds then you will quickly and easily find out whom to trust. "A friend is need is a friend indeed'. I made up my mind already. I want to go to England afterwards , brush up my English the only one language in the world I'm still willing to improve and learn.

my new friend, a cure for loneliness